Here we are. The day before THAT DATE.
The date that pierces my heart every time I hear it.
The date that shattered our world.
The date that closed the door on the life we knew.
For the past five years, as the calendar rolls over from July into August, there’s always a heaviness that lingers as I count down each day until THAT DATE.
While most of you have been busy wrapping up vacations or back-to-school shopping, I’ve been re-living the past. I’d pull up Facebook memories from years gone by and look at my sweet, little, unsuspecting family just living a normal life — not knowing the future, not knowing our unit of five would one day be no more.
For most of you, tomorrow will just be a normal Monday. For me it will be so much more.
I’ll wake up and replay every moment of that day. From when Wayne left the house before sunrise to lead his mens’ group, to me heading off to work, to the last text he sent me before lunch, to me pulling into the driveway at 4:30pm wondering why his car was there, to me walking into the bathroom and finding him, to me screaming for Josh and Brody to run and get our neighbors, to the 911 call, to the firemen and police officers who showed up within minutes, to me waiting in our front yard for Austin to be dropped off and telling him the worst thing a kid could ever hear, to sitting in our neighbor’s living room as news spread and close friends began to show up, to calling his parents and breaking their hearts, to sitting on the curb watching the coroner drive away, to laying alone in our bed that night trying to make sense of that day – August 14, 2018
I hate that date. I hate what happened that date. But I don’t hate what has happened since that date.
It’s hard to believe Wayne has been gone FIVE years. We miss him so much! And it will never make sense why God would take away an amazing husband and father OR why people lost their best friend, their mentor, their business partner, the stranger with the huge, welcoming smile.
So much has changed.
So much is different.
But so much is still the same, too…
•I still have joy in my heart.
•The boys are still funny, kind and respectful.
•Our friends still love and support us because they loved Wayne.
•And God still shows up. Even when I question Him. Even when I’m sad. Even when I’m angry. God always shows up.
And there would be no Broken Halos Haven without that date.
I know many of you have THAT DATE of your own.
The day you miscarried.
The day your business crumbled.
The day your divorce was final.
The day your child entered rehab.
The day you also lost someone you love.
When the world doesn’t know THAT DATE, it can feel so lonely. But God knows MY date and YOUR date, and He carries us through. He is with us always…through ALL the dates.